Sweet Sweet Chain, Part 2: Should Therapists Self-Disclose Vulnerable Information?
This is the point in the blog post where I could potentially share my painful pattern with you. It is the point where, if I so chose, I could be vulnerable with you. Some people argue that therapists shouldn’t divulge too much personal information; that self-disclosure interferes with clients’ processes, that a “blank slate” gives space for clients’ projections and transferences. Fair enough. And yet. Something feels inhuman about that particular philosophy.
Sometimes I wonder if that particular philosophy is a manner of allowing therapists to hide their humanity behind a barrier of alleged professionalism. While I agree that during a session the focus should be on the client and that is absolutely not the time for a therapist to share vulnerable personal information (and there are even exceptions to this general rule), I wonder if a blog forum is an appropriate space to do so.
Some people think that just because someone is in the field of improving lives, that person’s life should be perfect. Some therapists/ life coaches/ healers think they need to promote an image of themselves as living an enlightened life as proof of how good they are at their jobs. Who wants a therapist/ coach who doesn’t have their life together? It’s like asking, who wants a fat personal trainer?
Here’s what I say. Therapists are people too. We also struggle by nature of being in the human condition. A therapist who undergoes challenging life moments and does therapeutic work on themselves is not a bad therapist. One has absolutely nothing to do with the other. One is about being human because challenging life circumstances happen to every single one of us. No one is exempt. We are all players in the drama of experience with inevitable highs and lows and sideways and upside downs. I say this not only as a precursor to potentially sharing my vulnerability with you, but also to normalize the therapeutic process in general.
Join me in turning our heads away from the pathology that usually accompanies therapeutic work. Join me in scoffing at the ridiculous need to put on a mask and pretend like everything is perfect, when in reality, life just sucks sometimes. Is anyone else out there exhausted from all the pretending and promoting most people seem to be doing these days? Does anyone else out there crave authenticity?
What was I talking about again?
Oh yea…
I created a whole diversion to distract myself and you, my reader, from the point in the blog post where I might decide to share my vulnerability with you. Where I might decide to tell you about a painful pattern in my life’s recent history, a pattern imbedded in my multigenerational transmission process.
Do I trust you with my vulnerability? What will you do with it? How will you take it?
On the other hand, if I offer it to you from a place of good intention, isn’t that all that matters?
On the other hand, maybe I’m not quite ready.
What I’ll say about my pattern is this- I am anxiously attached. Does that mean anything to you? If you already know about Attachment Theory then feel free to skip the next section and start reading Part Four: So…What’s the Verdict? If you want to know some theoretical background for my particular painful pattern (and possibly yours when it comes to the quality of your romantic, familial, and social relationships) then read on…